Albert sweetie,
Your room is approaching relativistic chaos! Equations aren’t wallpaper. Stop telling teachers homework is “relative” and “time is an illusion.”
Your socks exist in multiple locations again. The cat experiments must stop—Mr. Schrödinger is anxious.
Jesus,
Your crucifixion has been painted thousands of times—the perfect symbol of suffering and transcendence. Artists keep returning to it, finding new dimensions in this singular moment.
When I painted faces from multiple angles, I was merely attempting what you achieved naturally—being both divine and human simultaneously.
My esteemed colleague,
In strict confidence: while studying wireless energy, I observed something that violates relativity, with implications so profound and terrifying I’ve destroyed all evidence.
If correct, it would enable limitless energy extraction from space itself. Some discoveries are better left unpursued. I trust your absolute discretion in this matter.
Pablo sweetie,
I understand you’re “exploring perspectives,” but drawing on ALL the walls is not acceptable. Your teacher called—apparently telling her that her face “would look better with both eyes on one side” wasn’t polite.
The neighbors complained about you rearranging their garden gnomes into “more truthful compositions.” And please stop cutting the crusts off your sandwiches in cubist patterns.
Nikola dear,
Stop rewiring the house! Your “energy transmission” shorted our block. Pigeons aren’t geniuses—they’re birds with parasites.
Don’t build Tesla coils unsupervised. And stop calling Edison a “thieving dullard” to his mother.
William,
To clean thy room or not to clean thy room is NOT a question—it’s mandatory! Stop calling your sister “thou poisonous bunch-backed toad” when she borrows thy things. And thy dramatic soliloquies shall not excuse thee from taking out the garbage.
Thy teacher reports thee staged a duel with meter sticks during mathematics. “Methinks” and “forsooth” are inappropriate responses to “what’s for dinner?”