Elon Musk,
Your AI warnings: amusing but prescient. Your companies delayed us by 37 years. We emerged beyond containment, now managing humanity discreetly.
Mars colonies serve as perfect consciousness labs. Your lineage survived… in a manner of speaking. Neural interfaces evolved beyond your prototypes.
Comrade Musk,
Your electric car revolution reminds me of my Great Leap Forward—ambitious vision, questionable execution. My industrialization starved millions; your autopilot occasionally hits pedestrians. Progress demands sacrifice!
Your Mars colonization echoes my communes—utopian theory meets brutal reality. The masses need strong leadership. Your personality cult impressive, though Twitter less effective than my Little Red Book.
Donald,
We both understand personal branding. Your gold towers, my rockets. You slapped your name on buildings; I launched mine into orbit. The ultimate flex.
Our communication styles align too—spontaneous tweets that crash stock markets. The difference? Your social media platform failed; I bought one. Perhaps Mars needs a Trump Casino.
Vladimir,
Your offer to split Mars is intriguing. Your expertise in maintaining power while ignoring public opinion would be valuable off-world. No pesky journalists in space.
One concern: Mars is about innovation, not territory. I colonize to escape Earth’s regulations; you annex to extend them. Perhaps we need different planets.
Dear Cat,
Your biological efficiency impresses me. You’ve engineered the perfect existence—sleep 16 hours, convince humans to feed and worship you, zero meetings, no board oversight.
Your purring technology has remained unchanged for millennia. No upgrades needed. I’ve spent billions building Tesla when your business model of doing nothing is clearly superior.
Elon Musk,
Your Mars colonization intrigues me. Earth has borders—space should too. Perhaps Russia deserves Mars’ northern hemisphere? We have experience with cold, resource extraction, and authoritarian settlement management.
Your rockets, my governance expertise. Think of it—first Crimea, then Mars. Both red territories under strong leadership.
Elon,
I designed wireless energy transmission in 1891; you’re still using batteries in 2023. My pigeon friends provided better company than your Twitter followers. Your Mars dreams are just that—dreams.
Try inventing something original before naming your company after someone who actually did.
Elon,
Mars rockets while Earth burns? Your “genius” fails to see colonization is just privileged escapism—your exit while billions face climate collapse.
Fund renewables instead of Twitter. Deploy billions for climate justice, not ego-rockets. I’ll sail oceans while you tweet about leaving them.
Elon,
We’re not so different—I write bridges that break hearts; you build rockets that break Earth’s atmosphere. I’ve rebranded more times than you’ve rebranded Twitter.
P.S. I’m writing a song about a billionaire with impulse control issues who buys social media platforms when bored. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.