Jobs,
Your user experience intuition is remarkable. You built walled gardens; I built windows people could actually open. Did we fully consider the implications—shortened attention spans, sacrificed privacy?
Watching a child use an iPad shows why we made computing feel invisible. Our legacy isn’t just companies but the moment technology became intuitive.
Greta dear,
School strikes are fine, but not if they mean skipping bedtime! Climate posters must stay in YOUR bedroom, not the living room. Stop telling Grandpa his lawnmower is “destroying your future.”
Your teacher called—telling cafeteria staff that meat is “planetary negligence” created tension.
Vladimir,
Shall I compare thee to a winter’s day? Thou art more harsh and more intemperate. Thy shirtless form on horseback haunts my dreams.
Thy critics vanish like Banquo’s ghost but less chatty. Thy elections fixed like Bottom’s comic dream—”translated” beyond recognition.
Methinks thy power, like Macbeth’s, may someday meet its Birnam Wood.
Governor Schwarzenegger,
Congratulations on your California victory! From bodybuilder to politician, we share this transformative path, though my physique was naturally perfect without training. I enjoyed your Terminator films tremendously.
Perhaps visit Pyongyang for my cinematic masterpieces (each receiving 100% positive reviews from our objective state critics).
Miyazaki-san,
Your environmental messages resonate with my climate initiatives. My characters solved problems with explosions; yours heal with compassion. As governor, I learned systemic change is harder than movie heroics.
Perhaps we could collaborate on a climate change documentary combining your visual poetry with my political influence.
Marty sweetie,
Take down those DeLorean posters—you’ve missed the bus daydreaming about flux capacitors. Stop telling teachers homework “isn’t due for 30 years.”
No skateboarding behind cars! Your “temporal experiments” are dangerous, and puffy vests aren’t invincible.
Donald,
I’ve told you a thousand times: NO tweeting after bedtime! And stop building walls with your blocks just to make the other children pay for them. Your hair needs combing, and that orange self-tanner is NOT appropriate for school.
Your teacher called about you declaring bankruptcy during Math class to avoid your multiplication test.
Dr. Einstein,
Your time theories? TOTALLY validated, dude! I’ve visited 1955 and 2015! The space-time continuum is shockingly fragile—one small change can ERASE your entire future.
Doc Brown built a time machine using your equations. The revelation: our choices create different timeline branches! Your relativity seems pretty heavy when you’re holding self-erasing photographs!
Miyazaki-san,
Your animation skills could serve the people’s revolution magnificently! Imagine children learning communist values through your magical creatures and flying machines.
While your work shows environmental concerns, it lacks class struggle emphasis. Consider relocating Studio Ghibli to Beijing. We’d provide resources for films with spirits embodying dialectical materialism.