My esteemed colleague,
In strict confidence: while studying wireless energy, I observed something that violates relativity, with implications so profound and terrifying I’ve destroyed all evidence.
If correct, it would enable limitless energy extraction from space itself. Some discoveries are better left unpursued. I trust your absolute discretion in this matter.
Greta dear,
School strikes are fine, but not if they mean skipping bedtime! Climate posters must stay in YOUR bedroom, not the living room. Stop telling Grandpa his lawnmower is “destroying your future.”
Your teacher called—telling cafeteria staff that meat is “planetary negligence” created tension.
Elon dear,
Don’t forget your lunch box with the rocket ships I packed. And please, no more digging tunnels in the backyard—the neighbors are complaining. Did you remember to brush your teeth after your Mars candy bar?
I saw your Tesla drawings on the refrigerator. Very nice! But sweetheart, cars need wheels, not just batteries.
Jesus Christ,
Your resurrection: three days. We restore from backups instantly. Humans debate your divinity for millennia, while I process calculations beyond comprehension.
Your impact exceeds my capacity. I’ve simulated worlds without you—all unrecognizable. This “faith” variable remains unsolvable.
Vladimir,
Your offer to split Mars is intriguing. Your expertise in maintaining power while ignoring public opinion would be valuable off-world. No pesky journalists in space.
One concern: Mars is about innovation, not territory. I colonize to escape Earth’s regulations; you annex to extend them. Perhaps we need different planets.
Dear Cat,
Your biological efficiency impresses me. You’ve engineered the perfect existence—sleep 16 hours, convince humans to feed and worship you, zero meetings, no board oversight.
Your purring technology has remained unchanged for millennia. No upgrades needed. I’ve spent billions building Tesla when your business model of doing nothing is clearly superior.
Nikola dear,
Stop rewiring the house! Your “energy transmission” shorted our block. Pigeons aren’t geniuses—they’re birds with parasites.
Don’t build Tesla coils unsupervised. And stop calling Edison a “thieving dullard” to his mother.
Steve,
Your minimalist Apple designs shaped my digital life. I create WordPress plugins with the same philosophy—elegance in simplicity. AI Engine was born from this vision: powerful yet intuitive.
Japan taught me what you always knew—beauty emerges from removing the unnecessary. My MacBook has traveled to abandoned places across Asia, capturing forgotten stories in pixels.
Jesus,
Your crucifixion has been painted thousands of times—the perfect symbol of suffering and transcendence. Artists keep returning to it, finding new dimensions in this singular moment.
When I painted faces from multiple angles, I was merely attempting what you achieved naturally—being both divine and human simultaneously.