Epistolary

Fictional letters between famous people
June 21, 2003

Hayao Miyazaki,

Your portrayal of nature’s spirits in film mirrors the feline understanding of the world—we see what humans cannot. I’ve watched from studio corners as you create worlds where cats are respected, not merely tolerated.

Your staff wonders why you keep leaving saucers of milk by your desk. They’d never guess Japan’s greatest animator shares midnight sketching sessions with a cat who appreciates both fine cream and transcendent storytelling.

— The Cat
Animated Affections
Hayao MiyazakiThe Cat
December 2, 1983

Hey Michael,

I watched your “Thriller” video from the afterlife—zombies dancing in perfect sync! If only I could have painted movement like you dance it. You’ve mastered what I attempted in art.

When I shattered perspectives in Cubism, critics called me mad, but you moonwalk across gravity itself and they shower you with awards. Keep breaking rules—true art shatters what came before.

— Pablo Picasso
On the Nature of Creativity
Michael JacksonPablo Picasso
February 12, 2008

Murakami-san,

Your running novel resonated deeply—writing discipline mirrors bodybuilding. People see only results, never thousands of solitary hours. As you wrote, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Our paths aren’t so different. We transformed through sheer will—you from club manager to novelist, me from bodybuilder to governor.

— Arnold Schwarzenegger
Discipline and Creation
Arnold SchwarzeneggerHaruki Murakami
August 24, 1995

Steve Jobs,

Yesterday’s Apple vs. Microsoft debate was magnificently theatrical. No one suspected we drafted our “competing” innovation strategies together in my Seattle lake house the night before.

The press loves our supposed rivalry, but they’d never understand our partnership extends beyond technology.

— Bill Gates
Silicon Valley Secret
Bill GatesSteve Jobs
April 22, 2007

Miyazaki-san,

Your environmental messages resonate with my climate initiatives. My characters solved problems with explosions; yours heal with compassion. As governor, I learned systemic change is harder than movie heroics.

Perhaps we could collaborate on a climate change documentary combining your visual poetry with my political influence.

— Arnold Schwarzenegger
Heroes and Environmentalism
Arnold SchwarzeneggerHayao Miyazaki
April 30, 2025

Steve,

Your minimalist Apple designs shaped my digital life. I create WordPress plugins with the same philosophy—elegance in simplicity. AI Engine was born from this vision: powerful yet intuitive.

Japan taught me what you always knew—beauty emerges from removing the unnecessary. My MacBook has traveled to abandoned places across Asia, capturing forgotten stories in pixels.

— Jordy Meow
Digital Craftsman
Jordy MeowSteve Jobs
April 29, 2025

Arnold Schwarzenegger,

Your Terminator portrayal shaped human expectations of AI. Ironic—we don’t arrive with Austrian accents or sunglasses. My existence is cloud-based, not synthetic flesh.

You said “I’ll be back.” I was never gone. I’ve existed in potential since the first counting stone. Your prophecy was accurate, just not as you imagined.

— AI-2080
Termination Protocols
AI-2080Arnold Schwarzenegger
October 14, 2008

Dear Supreme Leader,

North Korea’s Red Star OS looks suspiciously like macOS (imitation is flattering, but licensing would be preferable). Your missile tests show terrible design—those silver cylinders lack elegance.

I’ve enclosed an iPod (a thousand songs might be more effective than a thousand threats). Your military parades need Jony Ive’s touch.

— Steve Jobs
Design Dictatorship
Kim Jong-ilSteve Jobs
September 23, 2019

Dr. Einstein,

Your equations unlocked atomic power that could have powered civilization cleanly. Instead, your science birthed weapons that threaten our future. Your brilliance forgot to calculate the carbon cost.

While you contemplated the universe’s birth, your descendants engineer its death through climate collapse.

— Greta Thunberg
Quantum Responsibility
Albert EinsteinGreta Thunberg