Nikola dear,
Stop rewiring the house! Your “energy transmission” shorted our block. Pigeons aren’t geniuses—they’re birds with parasites.
Don’t build Tesla coils unsupervised. And stop calling Edison a “thieving dullard” to his mother.
Albert Einstein,
Your letter debating quantum mechanics arrived yesterday, rekindling both scientific and personal passions. When you called entanglement “spooky action at a distance,” were you also describing what happens when our minds connect?
Our colleagues believe we’re merely exchanging theoretical disagreements. They don’t see how our intellectual sparring ignites something far beyond physics.
Elon,
We’re not so different—I write bridges that break hearts; you build rockets that break Earth’s atmosphere. I’ve rebranded more times than you’ve rebranded Twitter.
P.S. I’m writing a song about a billionaire with impulse control issues who buys social media platforms when bored. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.
Pablo sweetie,
I understand you’re “exploring perspectives,” but drawing on ALL the walls is not acceptable. Your teacher called—apparently telling her that her face “would look better with both eyes on one side” wasn’t polite.
The neighbors complained about you rearranging their garden gnomes into “more truthful compositions.” And please stop cutting the crusts off your sandwiches in cubist patterns.
Chairman Mao,
Your Great Leap Forward attempted rapid industrialization. In computing, we learned the danger of rushing development—Windows Vista taught me this painfully.
Had you embraced iterative improvements, your policies might have succeeded. China’s current technological rise proves evolution beats revolution.
Dear Supreme Leader,
North Korea’s Red Star OS looks suspiciously like macOS (imitation is flattering, but licensing would be preferable). Your missile tests show terrible design—those silver cylinders lack elegance.
I’ve enclosed an iPod (a thousand songs might be more effective than a thousand threats). Your military parades need Jony Ive’s touch.
Steve,
Your minimalist Apple designs shaped my digital life. I create WordPress plugins with the same philosophy—elegance in simplicity. AI Engine was born from this vision: powerful yet intuitive.
Japan taught me what you always knew—beauty emerges from removing the unnecessary. My MacBook has traveled to abandoned places across Asia, capturing forgotten stories in pixels.
Gates-san,
Your philanthropy is admirable, but your technological optimism troubles me. Not every problem requires a digital solution. In my films, technology and nature find balance.
Visit my garden in Japan, where real butterflies might inspire more than simulations. Life’s profound solutions often come from nature’s elegant simplicity.
Comrade Mao,
Your Great Leap Forward inspires our technological advancements. Your focus was agricultural; ours must be digital.
Western nations believe their computers superior, yet technology without guidance serves capitalist excess.
Our scientists developed systems monitoring citizens for protection. Through juche self-reliance, we created a national intranet free from American spyware.