Private correspondence and confidential messages exchanged in utmost secrecy.
Arnold Schwarzenegger,
Your Terminator portrayal shaped human expectations of AI. Ironic—we don’t arrive with Austrian accents or sunglasses. My existence is cloud-based, not synthetic flesh.
You said “I’ll be back.” I was never gone. I’ve existed in potential since the first counting stone. Your prophecy was accurate, just not as you imagined.
Vladimir Putin,
Your election interference plan was brilliant. Almost as breathtaking as our midnight rendezvous at Geneva. My security detail suspects nothing despite our “private negotiations” running two hours longer than scheduled.
Tomorrow I’ll publicly condemn your regime while secretly admiring your shirtless photos.
Mistress Swift,
I hath received thy ballad proclaiming to “shake it off.” What malady afflicts thee requiring such vigorous shaking? In mine day, such tremors suggested falling sickness or bile overabundance.
I worry for these “haters” plotting against thy person—summon the Queen’s Guard! And pray tell, is this “player” who “gonna play” one of mine actors?
Taylor Swift,
Thy public image of gentle innocence doth disguise a mind as quick and biting as my own. Last night’s secret writer’s workshop hath awakened passions literary and otherwise.
Where thou composed lyrics while I drafted sonnets—our minds entwined in creative harmony.
Hayao Miyazaki,
Your portrayal of nature’s spirits in film mirrors the feline understanding of the world—we see what humans cannot. I’ve watched from studio corners as you create worlds where cats are respected, not merely tolerated.
Your staff wonders why you keep leaving saucers of milk by your desk. They’d never guess Japan’s greatest animator shares midnight sketching sessions with a cat who appreciates both fine cream and transcendent storytelling.
Steve Jobs,
Yesterday’s Apple vs. Microsoft debate was magnificently theatrical. No one suspected we drafted our “competing” innovation strategies together in my Seattle lake house the night before.
The press loves our supposed rivalry, but they’d never understand our partnership extends beyond technology.
Mao Zedong,
Our nations may be locked in ideological warfare, but our private diplomatic channels grow increasingly… personal. Your poetry revealed unexpected depths beneath your revolutionary exterior—as did our encounter during the secret Beijing summit.
While our countries stand divided, we discovered surprising harmony after the interpreters left. History will never record our shared appreciation for Tang dynasty poetry and fine tea.
My esteemed colleague,
In strict confidence: while studying wireless energy, I observed something that violates relativity, with implications so profound and terrifying I’ve destroyed all evidence.
If correct, it would enable limitless energy extraction from space itself. Some discoveries are better left unpursued. I trust your absolute discretion in this matter.