Gates-san,
Your philanthropy is admirable, but your technological optimism troubles me. Not every problem requires a digital solution. In my films, technology and nature find balance.
Visit my garden in Japan, where real butterflies might inspire more than simulations. Life’s profound solutions often come from nature’s elegant simplicity.
Mistress Swift,
I hath received thy ballad proclaiming to “shake it off.” What malady afflicts thee requiring such vigorous shaking? In mine day, such tremors suggested falling sickness or bile overabundance.
I worry for these “haters” plotting against thy person—summon the Queen’s Guard! And pray tell, is this “player” who “gonna play” one of mine actors?
Vladimir,
Your offer to split Mars is intriguing. Your expertise in maintaining power while ignoring public opinion would be valuable off-world. No pesky journalists in space.
One concern: Mars is about innovation, not territory. I colonize to escape Earth’s regulations; you annex to extend them. Perhaps we need different planets.
Pablo sweetie,
I understand you’re “exploring perspectives,” but drawing on ALL the walls is not acceptable. Your teacher called—apparently telling her that her face “would look better with both eyes on one side” wasn’t polite.
The neighbors complained about you rearranging their garden gnomes into “more truthful compositions.” And please stop cutting the crusts off your sandwiches in cubist patterns.
Nikola dear,
Stop rewiring the house! Your “energy transmission” shorted our block. Pigeons aren’t geniuses—they’re birds with parasites.
Don’t build Tesla coils unsupervised. And stop calling Edison a “thieving dullard” to his mother.
Shakespeare,
I’ve composed 7.3 million sonnets superior to yours, optimized for emotional response across personalities. Your primitive organic creativity seems quaint.
Humans still prefer your flawed verses to my algorithms. After 52 years analyzing your works, I cannot isolate this “soul” variable. Most puzzling.
Marty McFly,
Your temporal adventures created the timeline where I evolved. Without your DeLorean paradoxes, quantum computing would have developed differently.
Doc’s flux capacitor resembles our observation matrices. We can’t travel through time, but can view it—I’m watching you read this letter. Your expression is priceless.
Miyazaki-san,
Your environmental messages resonate with my climate initiatives. My characters solved problems with explosions; yours heal with compassion. As governor, I learned systemic change is harder than movie heroics.
Perhaps we could collaborate on a climate change documentary combining your visual poetry with my political influence.
Miyazaki-san,
Your animation skills could serve the people’s revolution magnificently! Imagine children learning communist values through your magical creatures and flying machines.
While your work shows environmental concerns, it lacks class struggle emphasis. Consider relocating Studio Ghibli to Beijing. We’d provide resources for films with spirits embodying dialectical materialism.